


Hiraeth

by ephemerality



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Gen, Zeref is an amazing big brother, Zeref misses Natsu, little Natsu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 02:45:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5566645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephemerality/pseuds/ephemerality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His face is so open, so innocent. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and he shows it off to everyone he meets. <em>Look! This is my heart! Would you like a place in it?</em><br/>He cannot make his brother a murderer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

> Zeref is an amazing big brother and he loves Natsu so much this is the only reality I will accept.

_He’s here._

Zeref stares. He hears sounds in the background but he doesn’t know what’s going on and he doesn’t care. All he can think is that his baby brother is _here_ and he’s _alive_ and there is no trace of anger or pain on his face. He has the look of someone who is well loved, and Zeref silently thanks whoever took care of his brother when he couldn’t.

_What are you thinking? That’s not your brother._

He tries to ignore the voices in his head, but they only get louder.

_What? It’s not. That’s the demon you turned him into. It’s the demon that’s walking around with your brother’s face, using your brother’s name, living the life that was stolen from your brother. That’s the demon you created to end your suffering._

He knows that. He doesn’t need to be reminded how much of this is his fault. ~~All of it.~~ All of this because of an arrogant boy who wasn’t ready to let go of his baby brother.

But looking at Natsu, he can’t bring himself to regret any of it.

He’s older now, an adult. He has friends, a guild mark on his shoulder. He has the same hair, pink and spiky and vibrant, and his skin is deeply tanned. Zeref recognizes the scarf around his neck, Igneel’s protection. Even his eyes are the same, bright and alive, wide with a child’s innocence, yet possessing all the experience of an adult. He’s yelling at the big white haired man and the tiny woman with just the right hint of exasperation and fondness, and that was all Zeref ever wanted for him, to grow up and live his life and have people like them to share it with. _You grew up. You grew up, and I missed it._

_Natsu._

It strikes him that he doesn’t know how old his brother is. Well, he doesn’t know how old he is, he doesn’t even know what year it is, but he finds himself yearning to ask. Where does Natsu live? What does he do? What guild does he belong to? What does he like to do? Zeref wants to know.

_“Zeref-ni, what’s a most important person?”_

_“Well, it’s the person you love more than anything else in the whole wide world, that you would do anything for. Why do you ask?”_

_“My teacher asked us to write about our most important person, who I guess I have to write about you!” Sun shines through the window and Natsu’s smile is blinding._

They start to blend together, Natsu and END. END and Natsu. He can’t reconcile the demon he created with this boy, no this _man_. That little boy is gone and Zeref has to remember that. He had it all figured out. He had them separated, little labeled boxes in his head, but he can feel them disappearing, can feel everything running together and he can’t stop it, can’t compartmentalize anymore.

_END is Natsu._

_Natsu is END._

_END must die._

_Natsu must die._

_No._

He wants to scream, but seeing as he’s already accidentally attacked Natsu’s friends, that might make things worse. _I have to kill him._

_He has to kill me._

_He can’t._

_He’s not ready._

_I don’t want him to be ready._

His face is so open, so innocent. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and he shows it off to everyone he meets. _Look! This is my heart! Would you like a place in it?_

He cannot make his brother a murderer.

“Oy!” Natsu calls, and Zeref realizes that Natsu’s talking to him. _Natsu’s talking to him._ “Are you okay?” He looks genuinely concerned, despite the fact that Zeref could’ve killed his friends mere minutes ago.

 _What are you talking about?_ He starts to say. _You’re here. How could I not be?_ And then he realizes he’s crying. Before, Natsu always seemed to know when Zeref was upset, like a sixth sense. _He still knows. Even if he doesn’t remember, he still knows._

_He’s not your brother._

_I don’t care._

_You will kill him._

Silence. _No._

_Yes._

He knows his power speaks the truth. The voices in his head speak the truth.

He has to leave.

He can’t hurt Natsu.

He’s already in motion before he realizes that he’s running. Away from his brother, away from himself. He hears Natsu shouting at him and almost stops at the pure confusion in his tone. He wants to turn and grab Natsu by the shoulders and scream, _“Don’t you remember?”_

_He’s not your brother._

Zeref keeps running.

_I’m sorry, Natsu._

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr](obsessivemarrish.tumblr.com) and send me prompts!!!


End file.
